Archive for the Drunk/Stoned Thoughts Category

Yo I Need a Ride.

January 12, 2007 by gpstevens.

Here ladies and gentlemen is another prime example of Ashtabulas’ finest moments. 

Man tries to use the police as taxi service
Star Beacon

 

Suspect charged with underage drinking calls police on himself
By MARGIE TRAX PAGE
Staff Writer

mtrax@starbeacon.com
GENEVA - - A Madison man learned Wednesday morning that taxicabs are yellow, not black and white with flashing lights.

Steven Telle, 20, of Madison was arrested early Wednesday morning after he called the Geneva Police Department and demanded an officer drive him home from the Last Call Bar and Grill.

“I have been drinking here all night and just want a ride home,” Telle told police officers.

Telle, who identified himself to the officers as Steve Smith, insisted the officers drive him home. Officers checked Telle’s identification and determined he was too young to drink and also lied about his last name, police reports show.

“I am 20 - - but almost 21,” Telle told officers.

During the 2 a.m. response to the call, officers noted Telle was “highly intoxicated” and told officers he was peeved because he couldn’t get a taxi, police reports show.

“(Telle) began to indicate that it is the police department’s responsibility to take him home, since he could not find any other options,” police reports show.

Police reports state the Last Call bartender may be cited for having served a minor, although no complaint had been filed in Western County Court as of Wednesday afternoon. Officers said that the Last Call Bar may be reported to the state liquor control board, as it was cited for having also served a minor in 2006.

Telle was charged Wednesday in Western County Court with falsification and underage liquor consumption, first-degree misdemeanors. He pleaded not guilty to both charges, court records show. A pretrial hearing is set for Jan. 27.

Geneva Police Chief Dan Dudik said Telle posted bond Wednesday.

Dudik said the police department provides calls of service to stranded motorists in emergency situations but does not provide transportation for intoxicated bar patrons.

“Generally, we do not provide transportation. If we are called to service for an intoxicated person, an officer will attempt to call that person a cab or arrange other transportation,” Dudik said.
Dudik said intoxication is a voluntary state.

“To use police resources as a taxi service is an abuse of the police department. We are not here for that purpose,” he said.

 

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Thoughts From The Toilet

December 29, 2006 by gpstevens.

Maybe it’s just me but the craziest shit comes accross my mind when I’m sitting on the toilet. It seems like I can get into some really deep thought while I’m on the John. Like every morning I rethink my life, remember old times good times, good and bad. Usually I’ll recall some personal hell time period in my life, and have overwhelming feelings of regret, and wish I could go back in time and right some old wrongs. Ususally right toward the very end I become resolute and make multiple decisions to change my life. Then I wipe my ass and flush.

Then there are all those times during the day when I go to the bathroom and I get really creative in thought. It seems at times like those I can think of ways to save the whales and build a better mouse trap, bring peace to the middle east and shit like that. Then I wipe my ass and flush.

Then there are times late at night when i”m sitting there and I curse humanity itself. What a cruel world this is and why are we here? I think of all the assholes in the world and devise extremely brutal ways of eliminating them from the species so that maybe some of us will survive. Especially the Liberal Democrats who are doing their best to destroy this country under the guise of protecting the United States from George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Then I wipe my ass and flush.

All these thoughts run through my head while I’m taking a dump and yet I never seem to follow through on any of those things. Now I’m not saying that I never do what I think about at those times, but it seems rather strange. Perhaps we human beings take a crap on more than one level. We empty our bowels and our minds at the same time. We unload all the crap in our heads and bodies in some kind of symbiotic way. Did God design us in such a way that our wiring is somehow connecting our brain and our ass at the same time? When we are constipated is our brain constipated as well? When we get the runs, uh.. Nevermind.

I’m hoping someone out there can explain to me ths great mystery. If only my ass could talk. If only we could wipe our minds, like we wipe our ass, then, maybe then there would be world peace.

Think about it.

 

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