Ok I’m sure everyone is fully aware that it is as cold as a witch’s tit in a brass bra around most of the country. I mean most of us up here in northeast Ohio are used to the cold but this is rediculous. Schools are closed, roads are treacherous, walking is a chore, and I’m really getting tired of cleaning the snow off the car 4 or more times a day. But right in the middle of this cold snap here comes these so called scientists’ telling us that global warming is at an all time critical stage, and guess what? America will be hit the hardest.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, or the IPCC just recently released a report that says among other things that; ” the United States, the West will be hardest hit, scientists say. Heat waves, droughts and intense hurricanes are likely to increase in the coming decades. Air temperatures in the Southwest, particularly from California to Texas, are projected to rise in the summer about 10 degrees by the end of the century, assuming there is a moderate increase in greenhouse gas emissions. A reduction in emissions might keep the temperature rise to 5 degrees.”

Now I’m going to try to keep this blog short but who are these people trying to fool? They release this report right in the middle of a winter blast that is bringing half of the country to it’s knees. Maybe it’s just me but its hard to convince people that the house is on fire when we are frantically looking for more blankets to keep warm at night. When I’m scraping the ice of the windshield for the third time in a day I just don’t see the global warming thing. When the car won’t start because the battery is dead because it’s so freaking cold, I find it hard to see any evidence of global warming.

I’d like to announce a new phenomenon. It’s called talk to Jesus (or God) weather. It goes a little something like this:

When I walk outside of my nice warm apartment to get in my car to go to the store or work and the first words out of my mouth are; Jesus, it’s cold! It aint global warming yet. Or when I leave work or whatever to go home and I walk outside and say things like; “God damn it’s cold.” It aint global warming. When the rate in crime drops to zero at night, it aint global warming. When I open my home heating bill and say “Jesus, how am I going to pay for this?” It aint global warming.

I’m going to keep it short but for Christ’s sake, talk to me about global warming when I’m standing in front of my air conditioner in my underwear trying to dry the sweat off my ass right after a cold shower, but not when I’m trying to defrost my testicles after a short trip to Walmart.

Global warming my ass! I got polar bears sniffing around my trash cans outside here. If we have global warming right now I think they need a new thermometer. C’mon spring!!