I am like most people. I like TV. There is something on TV for everybody. Whatever you

like you can find on TV. You got news, weather, sports, movies, music, even shop on

TV. From the History channel to Animal Planet, you get it all provided you have

cable. But there’s something suspicious going on with TV. In this blog I’m going to

point out a few things that will change the way you watch TV forever. Here we go.

First: Ever notice how when your watching TV and a commercial comes on you grab the

remote to see whats on the other channels only to find that, Hey! They’re in

commercial too!  Why is that? The television networks know that most people have a

very short attention span. They know we are going to grab the remote and surf the

channels, so they schedule almost all commercial breaks at the same time so that

you will somehow see an advertisement from one of their sponsors no matter what

channel you go to. Often times the same types of commercials come on at the same

times to capture a specific audience. Thats why you never see a commercial for

Viagra during the cartoons. Conversely you never see a commercial for Co-Co Puffs

during American Idol. Why is that?  Maybe a bowl of cereal would be really good

during American Idol but the TV gods don’t think so. A box of cereal costs around

$4.00 but a new Chevy truck costs around 30 grand. Kids don’t have any money to buy

a truck but you do. So lets advertise the truck to you and Capn Crunch to the broke

ass kids. Do I have your attention yet?

Second: The gender gap. OK, so your watching TV, a commercial comes on, you start

surfing channels and you see more commercials, but you wonder whats on that channel

anyway. Well, what kind of commercial is on? I’m willing to go out on a limb and

say that if you see more than one commercial about feminine hygeine products, there

is a pretty good chance that there is no sports on that network right now.

Conversely, if you see a commercial about “Built Ford Tough”, followed by a Bud

Light commercial, it’s a pretty sure bet that the Oprah Winfrey show is not on that

network right now. You see the TV gods know who’s watching what, and when. But what

about when men and women are watching the same show you might ask? Well the TV gods

have that figured out as well. The harsh reality is, we live in a male dominated

society. Almost every major network is run by men. One exception is the Lifetime

channel. Since these networks are owned and run by mostly men they do things from a

male point of view. So while you and your signifigant other are watching American

Idol, you will see all the girlie commercials for women, but the women will be

really sexy so the guys will pay attention. Think about it. You never see a fat

broad talking about tampons on TV at ANY time. Who the hell wants to see that? That

would make even a fat kid spit out his Co-Co Puffs. One the other hand the

commercials about Viagra and Cialis all have relatively good-looking guys in decent

shape in them. So the women see those commercials and think, hmmmm, he wouldn’t

need Viagra if I got my hands (or mouth) on him. But if you put a big fat

pot-bellied guy on TV talking about he needs Viagra, when he hasn’t even seen his

penis in the last 15 years, we all go running from the room screaming in horror, or

pissing our pants in laughter. Who the hell would want to buy Viagra after seeing

that? As a side note. How come in all the fast food commercials there are never any

fat people in the resturaunt. Everyone stuffing a whopper in their face is in great

shape. When I go to a fast food joint I always see some kid that should have been

on a diet since kindergarten. He or she is usaully accompanied by his very large

parents, but they all have diet Cokes’. You see the TV gods know that if they

showed you fat people eating at Wendy’s you won’t go there out of fear that you’ll

wind up like those fat bastards you saw on TV. Which brings me to another thought.

Why is it in almost every diet commercial they keep showing us food? Well the TV

gods have that figured out too. First they know that 25% of the American public is

over weight, so we all need to go on a diet right? But if we all got skinny we

wouldn’t need those diet foods anymore, and thus their sales would drop. But we

can’t have that. Sooooooooo…, they shows us that delicious food because they know

we won’t eat just one diet meal but two, or three. But we feel better about eating

that low fat crap. Instead of saying I had a Wendy’s triple with the works I can

say I ate 6 or 7 low fat veggie burgers and 3 diet pepsi’s because im dieting.

Please! So the next time you see a fast food commercial look around at the people

in them and think of what they are trying to tell you about who eats that crap.

Third:The Mind Job. This might be a little hard to follow so read carefully. There

is an annoying commercial on TV about a product called HeadON. “HeadOn, applied

directly to the forehead.” “HeadOn, applied directly to the forehead.” “HeadOn,

applied directly to the forehead.” That commercial is one of the most annoying

commercials known to mankind, and the TV gods knew it. They knew that people would

get sick of it. Especially when they used to run it 2 times in a row. So now they

have a commercial about the same product only with a twist now. First you get the

“HeadOn, applied directly to the forehead.”, but then a person walks on the screen

and starts saying it in anger like he or she hates the commercial but loves the

product. And therin lies the trick. The original commercial used to say “HeadOn,

applied directly to the forehead.” 3 times. Now the new one you hear “HeadOn,

applied directly to the forehead.” 4 times. But you feel better about it now

because they like you, hate the commercial too, but oops!!! Now you can’t get that

slogan out of your head, so to speak. Moreover, now they put in a testimonial so

now you think, hey, thats probably a good product. You like it now because someone

“allegedly” feels the same way you do. But the only thing you really have in common

with that person is that you both hate that commercial. This is classic reverse

psychology. The TV gods made you hate something first and then like it second so

you think you made an informed decision.

So the next time you walk into a store, stop and think before you buy something.

When you look at a product on the shelf do you see the commercial in your mind? Are

you buying it because you think it’s a good product or are the TV gods messing with

your head? “HeadOn, applied directly to the forehead.”

Scary aint it?

 

–
To err is human. To really screw things up requires a computer.

Greg Stevens