Thoughts From The Toilet

Maybe it’s just me but the craziest shit comes accross my mind when I’m sitting on the toilet. It seems like I can get into some really deep thought while I’m on the John. Like every morning I rethink my life, remember old times good times, good and bad. Usually I’ll recall some personal hell time period in my life, and have overwhelming feelings of regret, and wish I could go back in time and right some old wrongs. Ususally right toward the very end I become resolute and make multiple decisions to change my life. Then I wipe my ass and flush.

Then there are all those times during the day when I go to the bathroom and I get really creative in thought. It seems at times like those I can think of ways to save the whales and build a better mouse trap, bring peace to the middle east and shit like that. Then I wipe my ass and flush.

Then there are times late at night when i”m sitting there and I curse humanity itself. What a cruel world this is and why are we here? I think of all the assholes in the world and devise extremely brutal ways of eliminating them from the species so that maybe some of us will survive. Especially the Liberal Democrats who are doing their best to destroy this country under the guise of protecting the United States from George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Then I wipe my ass and flush.

All these thoughts run through my head while I’m taking a dump and yet I never seem to follow through on any of those things. Now I’m not saying that I never do what I think about at those times, but it seems rather strange. Perhaps we human beings take a crap on more than one level. We empty our bowels and our minds at the same time. We unload all the crap in our heads and bodies in some kind of symbiotic way. Did God design us in such a way that our wiring is somehow connecting our brain and our ass at the same time? When we are constipated is our brain constipated as well? When we get the runs, uh.. Nevermind.

I’m hoping someone out there can explain to me ths great mystery. If only my ass could talk. If only we could wipe our minds, like we wipe our ass, then, maybe then there would be world peace.

Think about it.

This entry was posted on December 29, 2006 at 1:51 am and is filed under Drunk/Stoned Thoughts, General Discussions, Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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